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Overcoming Fear of Rejection: A Personal Reflection

This is one of those things I think I've mastered, and then I remember progress is cyclical not linear. I'm sure you can relate. I can catch myself sometimes letting fear of rejection stop me from pursuing opportunities I am curious about. Sometimes I interpret boundaries as rejection, and catch myself spiraling into the "what did I do wrong". At times, I am rejected, and instead of seeing it as divine protection, I find myself in a cycle of mourning my own expectations. Rejection is one of those things that can make me feel insecure, especially since it feels to always be from an external source.

But in my heart, I know rejection is important. Rejection directs me like bumpers on a bowling lane. I may be close, or not anywhere near close, and just in need of Divine redirection. Rejection is an opportunity to approach my inner child with compassion, to soothe her and her fear of loneliness and isolation. Rejection is an invitation from my Higher Self to seek wisdom I didn't know I needed. Rejection is also an opportunity for humility, to love the fact that the Universe is looking out for me, for my Highest and best only, and sometimes (most of the times, let's be honest) I am not aware of what exactly is in our Highest and Best good. This could come in the form of desperation, of insecurity of not having a plan or guarantee, trying to force the way by myself instead of waiting for doors of partnership to open. So... why, at times, do I allow my fear of rejection to run the show?

The truth is, rejection never hurts me, my Soul. Rejection is only a perceived threat to me, my Ego. Rejection, itself, can never hurt me, or threaten my life, so I am sometimes confused by my own fear of endings. The ego works from a place of experience. The Ego works from what has been seen in the past. Overtime, it is easy for me to side with my Ego to label rejection as "normal", labeling it as an "always" occurrence, letting us wallow in my loneliness. My inner child cries and crumbles in the "always", and I used to just call myself dramatic and essentially rub dirt into my emotional wound. In these times, I view myself as the victim, but I am also my own bully. And it's VERY easy for me to become my own bully. I return to old outdated narratives that I am not good enough, that I'm not worthy, that I don't know what I'm talking about. And that energy can consume me; it's toxic. To break the cycle, once aware, sometimes I write myself love notes in my journal, other times I give myself a little mirror pep talk or ask a dear friend to gas me up. However, when I feel rejected, my first reaction is to turn to validation. "Am I crazy?!" This is something I continue to work on, my cute little Shadow. I will catch myself telling my side of the story to as many people as I can find, hoping for validation, because being inside my own mind can feel like forced TIME OUT time with my own bully. But the validation never helps me find peace. I can always find more and more people to tell, creating a jokey story of my "side" to hide the pain I feel and am avoiding. My peace is found in my own acceptance. I realize how much I am beating myself up. My Peace is recovered when I ground and tune into my Soul. Sometimes I walk into a wall *THUD* (true story, multiple times, true Taurus in a china shop over here) to break up the thought cycle, and I realize what I've been putting my own self through. It's this cue to drop out of my head and into my heart. To face that "rejection" head on, and challenge myself on why it feels like the end of the world. I need to tap into my Soul.

It is the Soul, the Higher Self, that is cued into the the bigger picture. Our human experience lets us fear rejection, because it feels like denial of a future we plan for ourselves. What is that quote? "If you want to make God laugh, make a plan." My Soul knows there is a reason to every seemingly random thing. My Soul acknowledges that this rejection is a small bump to just get you back on track where you are destined to be.

So when I find myself in my fog of confusion, when a seemingly great idea or proposition comes across rejection, or I find myself dragging my feet due to fear of being rejected, I need to comfort my inner child first. This clears the way for me to find a moment to ground and center, to cleanse and give a little extra love and attention to my root chakra. When I feel stable, grounded, and I am able to take a few good deep breaths, then I am able to tap into my intuition. Then I am able to tap into my inner wisdom, and to respect the wisdom I receive from my Soul.

Because the truth is, I have no idea what I will be! I have no idea where I will find myself in a year, five years, etc. I just know where I would like to be. I know the feelings and vibration of the environment I will find myself in. I know my potential, which is limitless, therefore is that knowing at all?

That's like saying "Oh yea, I know about the ozone layer". (this is an odd metaphor, but I'm just seeing where Spirit is taking me with this. Hang in there.) Yea ok, I know the ozone layer needs healing, and that it contains a protective layer for UV rays. But I don't know EVERYTHING about the ozone layer. I don't know all the gases that are contained, or the ratios in which they are found off the top of my head. I don't know the rate of degeneration of the ozone layer from our own pollution. I don't know THE solution, if there even is one. Same goes for me saying where I want my life to go. Goals are great, but I can't possibly know everything that is coming down the road for me... that being said, I hear its juicy. So I gotta trust I'm being steered in the right direction. Speaking of ozone layer.... so say, I found my new passion in saving the ozone layer. I decide that that might be my destiny, and I am ready to pursue it. Great. I may come across rejection, barriers, for government agencies I may apply to work for, and feel hopeless. I could identify with the rejection as a sign that I am unqualified and not the person to save the ozone layer. But frankly, who am I in that scenario? Maybe my ozone layer rescue will be in the form of working in a community bike share program, maybe it's in the form of riding my bike to work. Big or small, these are all modalities to help save the ozone layer. If I stop and give up my passion at that first job rejection letter, then not only am I betraying myself of a potentially beneficial endeavor for my own Soul, but is also kind of letting down Mother Earth.

All this is to say that I am still healing and bringing love and compassion to my fear of rejection. Some days just get my goat, and that's ok. I don't have to be all "UNIVERSE TAKE THE WHEEL" every time I run into an obstacle. Although, I don't know maybe that would help a little bit. Maybe I should. And I mean, hey, The Universe and My Soul and co-captains of this ship I call my life. All I have to do in this life is try my best, you know? I know ultimately, it'll all work out. So why let myself suffer by rejection?

Also, sometimes I have to remember how much I can like rejection. Rejection has saved me a bunch of times. I am the woman who LOVES canceled plans... because it gives me permission to be home, in my sanctuary, with my fur babies and plant babies. I love being rejected when I offer something I don't really want to give, but feel I should give. I have to remember that rejection doesn't have to be seen as "bad", and more times than not I relish in running into it.

Maybe rejection is nothing at all, not good or bad, it just is what it is. Maybe fear of rejection is healed by releasing expectations, and just trying my best.

I like that reframe. I hope you do too.


Love and light, Liz

at The Healing Hearth


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